i love…

long breaks, talking on the phone, sleeping, and being happy. Nothing beats being happy.

I’m going to exploit this week-long repose from school as well as I possibly can. That means I’ve got to do some actual work so I can rest without any worries on my mind. What’s there to get done?

French 4: 500 words on francophone country of my choice, using the things that we have learned and reviewed this year
Math Analysis: Just a few homework problems remaining
Biology: Some diagram regarding cell membranes, review for test
Physics: Multiple choice problems
English: Rewrite my essay, including support this time

Bah. I can handle it.

I have front page access at PSP Junkies.com now. Hopefully I can help breath some new life into that site. Because the site’s hosts are in Malaysia, I can also get some nifty goods from them when they’re finished reviewing. Thumbs Up

I like this new color scheme for my blog. I’ve revised the logo to reflect the new colors, added on a few little changes. I really have to fix up the MSN Emoticons. They still have white pixels instead of transparent ones. It’s going to take a while to do and I don’t really feel like doing it right this second. Perhaps when I feel that I’ve finished enough homework to justify burning more time.

Went to KLCC today with my brother and my mom. I got my glasses bent back into shape after they were warped on Friday. Also asked about how much contact lenses would be. There’s no fitting charge here. Once you buy them, you’ve got to work with them. Because I’m astigmatic, the lenses will have to be ordered in specially. It’ll cost RM300 for 6 months worth of single-use contacts. I’ll get them done some time after my dad comes back from 舟山 (Zhou Shan).

I watched Corpse Bride with my brother. I think it was alright. Not bad, but it was rather short. Characterization is good stuff.

I’m going to clean out my T630. It’s getting dusty underneath the screen again. Perhaps I’ll redo the quick glue job that I used to secure the clear plastic in place with the front cover.

Will also take apart my computer. I’ll try and fix up the airflow inside the case, make sure to organize the cables better, and see what else I can do.

7:43PM Edit:

Cleaned everything out, took pictures, used a #2 pencil to connect the little thingees. Not sure if it worked, but whatever. I don’t need SLi right now anyways. Now I’ve got OCEANBLUe hooked up to my Sharp AQUOS 37″ LCD TV, Philips 5.1 speaker system, connected to the internet through WiFi G. Good stuff. Gaming?

October 31st, 12:00PM Edit:

Guess my nForce 4 Ultra to nForce 4 SLi mod didn’t quite work. I’ll do it again some other time. I don’t think I connected the little… things properly. I know for certain that the DFI LanParty UT nF4 Ultra-D can be modded easily to SLi specs. The BIOS, POST still detects my chipset as being an nForce 4 Ultra.

I’ll modify it again when I can actually think about going for a SLi setup. I took quite a few pictures of yesterday’s work. The case is still cramped and a mess on the inside, and there’s little I can do about it. I think the PSU cables are too long. I’d be happier with the case if I could get some way to work the cables around the back, letting them poke up out of cutouts when appropriate.

I’m just happy that I didn’t destroy anything while towelling off all the insides of my computer yesterday.

Upgrades for the future:

  • 2GB (2*1GB) OCZ DDR400 with tighter timings than 2.5-3-3-6
  • 2*7800GTX SLi
  • Cable sleeving for my PSU


Today I cleaned out my Sony Ericsson T630. It was getting dusty, took pictures of the process as well. What fun. Plumbers came to fix up the toilet. And that’s all. I want some food.

Check out my OCEANBLUe Gallery.

对你来说,我是什么?一个朋友?什么东西变过了?到最后,我还爱你。

Ah. And I explained the purpose of masturbation in a phone conversation. That sure was interesting.

9:23PM Edit:

Computer temperatures:

Motherboard 39°C (102°F)
CPU 33°C-34°C (91-93°F)
North Bridge 46°C (115°F)
GPU 42°C (108°F)
GPU Ambient 37°C (99°F)
Seagate ST3200822AS SATA 30°C (86°F)

All idle temps of course, but at least it gives an indication of how cooling is working right now. Ambient air is about 25°C.

Time to finish up my RAID.

I’m feeling: Happy
Listening to: Puddle of Mudd – Already Gone

I’m fucking pissed.

I’m tired and angry. I’ve stayed in school for 13 hours just to return home to more complaints. There’s nothing like a fresh batch of bitching day in and day out to keep me on my feet. Or just to knock me down from how I was feeling earlier. I’m generally a happy person, I can get along with others, and it’s just upon returning home that I take a turn for the worse.  Every single fucking day.

Nothing’s going my way. Typical teen angst my ass. Every day, it’s the same bullshit. Topped with whatever’s fresh from today. It’s a continually growing pile of rubbish that I can’t get rid of. So what escape is there for me? None, apparantly. I’m limited in freedom in a number of ways. It’s ironic. My parents tell me that with each year, I should be growing to be more independent. So they should be trusting me with more as time passes. However, it’s the exact opposite – I’m not even allowed to take a walk around the neighborhood at night for fear that I’ll do something bad. Yeah, I could understand that if we were still living in Beijing. Sure, we egged a house. And set fire to boxes when we found them. And rode circles around the guards. But right now I’m living in a cell.

I demand my own free time and my own personal space. If I’m writing something that I don’t want my parents to read, they should respect that. I can respect their decisions. If they don’t want me to be informed about a decision that they make, so be it. I don’t have to know exactly what the situation is at every moment in their lives. If they want to share, they’ll share. If they want to know what’s been going on lately with me, they should take time to talk to me without starting off on poor footing. I don’t like being talked to and having to hear nothing but negative remarks. My mom doesn’t help this, my dad just gets angry. I can’t fucking stand their incessant bitching about me. And when the whining doesn’t get to my head, all that happens is my dad gets mad. Yeah, like that’s going to change anything. Just give me my own time, give me some room to breath, and I’ll open up. I’m not placing any unreasonable demands on anyone.

Free time. I can manage my time. I’ve been able to do that. Just because I may not be doing well at the start of this school year is not an indication that I will continue to do poorly. I did well last year. They still weren’t happy. What is it going to take? I don’t remain satisfied with every single purchase I make, but they won’t ever be satisfied with me. I’m told that no matter what university I go to, it’ll be fine. If I end up landing myself in a state university, it’ll just save my parents money. If I go to some kickass university, they’ll pay. But regardless of which path I choose to take, I am required to work at my hardest every single day, go up when told to do so, and not to question authority. I’m not a machine. I’ve got feelings, I’ve got needs, and when I’m feeling like shit I’m not going to work at 100% efficiency. And lately, I’ve been feeling like shit constantly. I’m not working up to their expectations, I’m not achieving the grades that I could be achieving, I’m not at the top of the class. I don’t care right now. I need some time to sort things out. I want some time to sit back and clear my mind out. And that’s not being provided to me. Like I said, there’s been nothing but bullshit day in, and day out.

So, back to the point about me being a happy person. I’d certainly like everything in my life to work out, but there are so many little factors that obstruct that. I want to have a sense of direction, a clear goal in sight, a way to get it all done. I want butterflies and bees, flowers and sunshine. Shit like that. And I’m not getting it. Just because of all the goddamn little things that are in the way.

Hahaha.

So what has come out of today? I paid my RM200 for THIMUN Singapore. So I’m set to go. Just need to write up my resolution when I have time to do it. So far, I haven’t had the opportunity to do so. I had a vocabulary quiz in French, great. And I have an assignment in French for the week-long break that’s coming up. Oh sweet God, I can’t wait for the break. I really need some time just to sit down and unwind. I’m tense right now and I feel like breaking things. Everything is wrong.

I went to Tom Boyd’s home afterschool with Matt Dee. And we messed around. A pretty little home, Tom. And thanks for the pizza. Rawr.

And there’s more, there’s always more.

So I’ve got my lack of freedom. And I’ve got that whole thing about expectations. And my own failures. And such a lack of those little things that I find to be necessities. I want soft drinks. Yeah, it’s a lousy demand, but that’s what I want. I’ve been drinking nothing but water, coffee on the weekends, and milk in the mornings. That’s what I’ve got at home. So 90% of my fluid intake is based upon water. I want something with more taste to it. Somebody’s thinking in their head right now, “Water has taste to it. You just haven’t found the true beauty of it.” And I’ll tell them I have. Because I’ve had to run in the blistering heat, feeling like I’m going to fall over, and then having water. Yeah, it’s sweet. But I don’t intend to run 5km just to get a taste of something pure. I like instant things.

And what else is there? Something I can save for the Memories section later. It’s off-limits to anyone out there. It’s for my eyes only. Regarding health.

So let’s end with something happy sounding. Something hopeful. Hahaha. Since hope is such a lousy word.

Music NoteI’ll spin you around, spin you around
Turn your world upside down
Spin you around, spin you around
Turn your world upside down

If you’ll be my woman
I will take you to another high
If you’ll be my lady
I will take you for another ride

If I saw you dancing
I would spin you around, spin you around
If I saw you dancing
I would spin you around, spin you aroundMusic Note

I’m feeling: Tired
Listening to:  Puddle of Mudd – Spin You Around

agnry?!!1one.

I got to sleep some time after 4AM last night but made sure to set my cell phone alarm to 7:45AM. It rang faithfully and managed to get me up, but I fell asleep again and finally crawled out of bed at 9:20AM because my room was starting to get stuffy. The sun has a tendency to wake me up when I want to sleep. Go away, you blasted thing. I demand uninterrupted sleep after a hard night of getting killed in Battlefield 2.

More computer crap. I’m downloading Quake 4 through BitComet right now. It’s coming along at a steady 50 – 80KB/s. 93.6% of it completed, only 171MB / 2640MB left to go. Yay. I wasn’t even aware that the game was released until I checked The Pirate Bay for some new music.

So..After getting up I went to KLCC with my mom and brother. Went to Isetan and browsed through the dress shoes. There are some ridiculously priced ones there – I saw shoes going for RM1799 ($499.72 USD) and I wondered who in hell actually bothers to purchase those. They look exactly the same as the other ones, so why pay such a hefty price? Quality? Shoes break down with time, noone needs to buy $500 USD shoes. Surprise, surprise. No matter how expensive your shoes are, they will break.

I was looking for a decent pair and Je Gun ended up finding me. Turns how he was also shopping for some “delegate clothing” for THIMUN. I chose a pair of Rockport dress shoes, we paid, and walked out of Isetan.

One of the things I had on my mind today was those damn Sennheiser HD212 Pro headphones. I’ve been waiting for them for a while, and I intended to pick them up. So I did. My mom went up to Kinokuniya to read some bestselling book or other, and I walked off with Justin to Mediaplex. Paid my remaining RM110, picked up the headphones, and walked off to check out a few other stores. I played around with the Sony VAIO U-series in the SonyStyle shop. I hope they produce that little beast again when it’s time for me to go to college. Having such a portable device for computing would be great.

Justin was whining about feeling hungry so we went down to the food court and ate. He got something from Kyro’s Kebab, I ate McDonalds. Mmm. Big Mac. It’s pretty much pure fat, but I’m not one to complain. It costs less than anything else and fills you right up. That’s bang for the buck.

Uh. After that we just bothered my mom until she said it was okay to go back home. And we drove back. I got back home and started looking through The Bell Jar for scenes regarding death and suicide used for rebirth. Fooled around with my new headphones as well. My dad walked into the room to find me napping with the headphones over my ears. At which point he realized that they were new headphones and that he had never seen them before. At which point things began to deteriorate at a very rapid rate.

Yeah, he freaked out. I have enough headphones, that’s true. And, well, that was the argument. “Alex, why do you keep wasting money on this? You already have it. It’s enough.” Whoops. So here’s a quick run-down of all my audio costs to date.

MP3 Players

  • Samsung YP-30 $150 USD
  • Samsung YP-35 $130 USD

Headphones

  • Sony MDR-G52 $20 USD
  • Sennheiser MX500 $20 USD
  • Philips SBC HN-110 $50 USD
  • Sony MDR-EX71SL/WK $40 USD
  • Sennheiser HD212 Pro $60 USD

Haha. Yeah yeah. I need to sell off both Sony’s, so somebody buy them off of me.

Yeah. My dad’s going to kill me because I’m just that damn stupid at times. Well, most of the time. I thought the headphones were worthy investments. All except for those Sony MDR-G52s. Those things pinch my ears like hell.

By the way, these Sennheiser HD212 Pros kick ass for anything bass-heavy.  Darude – Sandstorm (Original Mix) sounds amazing right now. I’ll try it out with some more dance / trance music.

Listening to Doublestar Project – Ocean Blue (Remix) and yes, the bass is great. Finally, Tune Up – Ravers Fantasy.

So what else is there to do? I’m ready for my Honors English IB Oral Presentation practice. Bring it on.

I’m going to keep holding on because I’m still confused about what changed. Think about it because I can’t understand what’s changed at all. Be reallistic in your goals, take it one step at a time and you’re bound to achieve what you’re capable of doing.

w00t for the future. Mine’s going to kick ass.

Music NoteWindmill, Windmill for the land.
Turn forever hand in hand.
Take it all in on your stride.
every thing is, falling down.
Love forever love is free.
Let’s turn forever you and me.Music Note

Listening to:  Sublime – What I Got

On second thought.

3 Doors Down – Kryptonite

Music NoteI took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do… Yeah

I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?
I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak but still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if not for me then you’d be dead
I picked you up and put you back on solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?
I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might
Kryptonite

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?
I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeeaah!!

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman?
If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?
I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might
KryptoniteMusic Note

I remember hearing this song when I still lived back in Sugar Land. It’s amazing how quickly the years have gone by. And to think that just a few years ago, I was anxious about my move to Beijing. Look where I am now. This is exactly why I can’t afford to go back to the United States just to attend university at one of those UT schools. I’ve got to make something out of myself. All these years that I’ve spent outside of the United States have to go to some use.

I managed to get virtually no work done today. I did finish up my Math Analysis homework this morning. After that, I was supposed to study for Biology and Physics. But I didn’t.

I picked up last month’s issue of National Geographic and read through the whole thing while listening to music. I was reading through the articles on Africa and the economic, social situation that the peoples are in right now. It was a most depressing read, but there are some glimmers of hope. Hit a point regarding AIDs, and damn. That writing gets to you. When you’re reading what HIV-positive children said out in hopes that they would go on to live healthy lives, it’s amazing how much it moves you.

And then I noticed something strange. Bear in mind that pornography is illegal in Malaysia. National Geographic shows the human side of things, and isn’t afraid to display a little skin once in a while. It’s how the damn pygmies live right? They don’t need all those clothes, so why Photoshop the hell out of them? Yeah. It turns out that the magazines I have are censored. Somebody has the bleak job of leafing through each copy of the magazine distributed in this region, and blacking out anything potentially offensive with a black permenant marker. That’s just sad. If the image depicts something of human nature, why censor it?  Just embrace it.

I sent off the email in my “Memories” section this morning. Heh.

But in the end, I don’t know what to feel. 我不想忘掉。I was looking through my old emails and found ones from around Spring Break last year and lo and behold, it turns out that things were just fine back then. It’s funny because I really can’t remember a thing from last year, and there it is right in front of me. And now I just sit here and wonder, what has changed? Let’s go to 纽约。 It’s not all black and white. And I’ll do anything and everything I can for you.

Music NoteNow this angry little girl
Drowning in this petty world
Oh who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That’s what makes you beautiful
You’re all or not
I don’t need what you ain’t gotI’m torn in pieces
I’m blind and waiting for you
My heart is reeling
I’m blind and waiting for you

I’m blind and waiting for you
I’m blind and waiting for youMusic Note

Guy HugGirl

2:07 AM Edit:

Just something cool that Alice showed me.  I gave it a shot. Hahaha!

Listening to:  3 Doors Down – Be Like That