schedule.

05.31 – 06.01 First set of examinations, study for SAT II
06.02 Free day, push for KLCC (bankin), study for SAT II
06.03 SAT II Math 2C + Physics
06.04 Study for second set of examinations
06.05 – 06.06 Second set of examinations
06.07 3V0 回家
06.08 最后一天, bb 2005-2006 yr.. push for KLCC if bankin not yet completed
? 耳机到家
? Sydney ~10 days
? Shanghai ~3 weeks

Still writing up Physics notes for SAT II review. Gaming too much. Still fooling around with my V3i, still modding it up, still updating my Motorola RAZR V3 / V3i Super-Site. Just modded the operators list today, flashed a new LP0015 pixelfont some time earlier.

That whole focus crap didn’t work.

Anything worth talking about? I want to watch someone fail miserably.

Camera phones were invented to do this.

Listening To: Snow Patrol – How to Be Dead

[most] people suck.

Once summer hits, it’ll mark the second year that I’ve resided in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Throughout this time, I’ve met a number of people, few of which have interested me, and even fewer that I would dare consider friends. Perhaps it’s just when I’m not feeling well that I can contemplate ending everyone around me without a single stab of remorse.

The days have dragged along, exams are coming, and I have yet to study for my SAT II Math 2C test. Just yesterday, I finally received my letter from the National Merit Scholarship folks. It turns out that it’s one week too late to take any action, at least online.  NMS’ Collegeplans.orghas already closed down, making it impossible to indicate my interest in the NMS program. I’ll just have to work through the counselling office and see how things go.

What irks me is that after living here for two years, I have not developed any true attachment to anyone. After the disastrous relationship that I had earlier this year, I’ve felt distant and removed from my surroundings. It’s becoming harder to build and maintain trusting friendships with anyone. I’m happier by myself, just squandering my time away on non-productive activities and catching sleep in the school library when I’ve deprived myself of it at home.

I’ve tried to rebuild an old friendship, if it can be called that, only to have wasted more time and gained myself nothing but confusion tinged with anger. I don’t appreciate my time going towards nothing, something that is happening with increasing frequency despite my attempts to keep friendships on the right path. I don’t like getting pushed away out of some blind fear after developing a relationship for over a year. It’s hard to stomach.

So where am I now? I’ve tried to be nice, tried to be caring, tried to listen and to be a good friend. I ended up falling flat on my ass. What’s most confusing to me is the conflicting ideas that I see being tossed back and forth. They change faster than my mood swings and I don’t know how to deal with them.

I’ve left myself with no one to talk to at nights when I need support. When I leave this place, the thing that I’ll miss the most is my immediate family and my dog. The people I’ve met have all meant close to nothing, with the exception of that one person with which I’ve exhausted my patience for time after time.

I don’t care what you think, I don’t care what you like. If there are problems, I can deal with them. All I ask for is rational discussion and no bullshit. If you’ve had a bad day, so be it. Don’t let that have an adverse effect on your judgement. Say things with the intention of following through with your words.

Make it worth my while.

boring days.

I’m finding it difficult to concentrate again. I saw Mission Impossible 3 yesterday, thought it was alright, tried out the Sennheiser HD555 headphones at Mediaplex, picked up a Sennheiser catalog, and then watched Brokeback Mountain at home. Those crazy cowboys.

I’m supposed to be working on my IB World Literature I paper. I can’t find any inspiration for my writing, none of my thoughts are coming out organized. Yuk.

Ordered Alice’s Apple iPod Nano 2GB. Dad won’t let me get my iPod Video 30GB until he sees some results. Good grades, good SAT IIs. Which means it’s impossible for me to order it from the States, engraved. Meaning I think I’m just going to forget about it, even though I haven’t had an MP3 player since the death of my PSP. Thanks a lot. I’ll show results, I just want some incentive. Getting a non-personalized iPod Video 30GB in Singapore isn’t going to cut it seeing I placed the one I wanted in my Apple Online Store cart for over a month.

Think I’ll pick up the Sennheiser HD555 headphones and just call it quits. I’ll get whatever generation iPod is out during winter. If things finally start working the way I want them to.

I can find an infinite number of things to whine about.

Listening to:  Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – Heavy Meta