what have i done?

I can’t help but think that I’ve done something terrible, something unforgivable. I cried for the first time since my family vacation to Australia. I used to choke back sobs and to feel miserable for myself. Today I kept wiping away the hot tears as they came down and I ended up hurting myself as well. I scratched up my right arm with my fingernails, swiping at the tendons in my wrist and carving a broad red line into my skin. I landed a few solid blows to my head and to my left arm. I was shocked with how quickly I hit myself. I didn’t even stop to think and the pain didn’t catch up with me until far later.

I want someone to be there for me in times like these.