Now Playing: Stereophonics – Dakota
Thanksgiving came and went and there was nothing spectacular at all about it. We used to make a bit more of an effort in dealing with these holidays. You know, pick up a turkey and all. Break out the mashed potatoes and gravy. It was an all-family thing. We couldn’t be bothered to pick up a turkey one year in Beijing so we went with a little roast duck. Not the ones that you get in the roast duck restaurants mind you – we got a roast duck in a bag. Not as filling as I would have hoped, but it’s the thought that matters.
I was going to pick up something from the Apple Online Store. An iPod Nano 4GB Blue for my dad. Absolutely stunning color. A couple of hours later I didn’t order an iPod Nano. Instead I ordered a Casio Exilim EX-S770 Graphite Blue for myself. Christmas comes early this year.
Or at least I thought I ordered a camera. It turns out that online shopping is seldom as smooth as it ought to be. Granted, I’ve had good experiences ordering trinkets off of Newegg and the Apple Online Store – prompt delivery times, no hassle ordering, and no confusion along the way. Half of my computer came to me in boxes from Newegg. This site’s a bitch, though.
I wonder if it’s normal to want to trip and spill ice coffee on someone. Or to want to take a knife to someone’s spinal column. I can name one person who I’d very much like to stab clear in the back. I’d make an effort not to stab too high on the spinal column – aim too far up and you risk severing off signals from the brain to all parts of the body. No, I’d stab somewhere towards the bottom of the vertebrae. I want this kid to flail wildly with her arms, to scream out after realizing that her legs no longer respond to the desperate firing of neurons in her brain. Not while I’m watching, of course. I can’t bear the sight of blood. And the piercing noise of screams; not my thing.
Don’t worry, I’m a nice guy. Honest. Scout’s honor, or so help me, whoever the patron saint of angsty teens might be. Thoughts like these are only that largely subdued dark side of mine piping up.
Back to making sure my order goes through.
Now Playing: Copeland – Love Affair
I’m getting very tired of Malaysia. I don’t think it’s the people this time around, and I’ve been questioning if I myself have changed at all since I first arrived here. I am certain that my style of speaking has changed somewhat, but I want to look past the surface. Has anything changed about my attitude towards the world around me, to the people that I interact with on a day-to-day basis? Has moving actually presented me with some profound change? Part of me wants desperately to go to America, to leave behind Malaysia and all of the things associated with it. That’s the emotional part at play. The rational side of me sits back, shaking his head at my lack of change. He wants me to look at myself from a distance – to step back for a moment and to question whether or not I will make a difference in my life upon leaving this country. It would be a pity to leave Malaysia only to find that I haven’t changed at all, or to find that I am incapable of further change.
I’m still in the midst of writing up my college applications. Not only that; I also have a plethora of schoolwork to deal with. I’m responsible for the bulk of my problems. I should have exhibited more tenacity in meeting the International Baccalaureate deadlines set by my teachers. I should have studied in preparation for that IBHL Math quiz that I sat today. I should do something instead of sitting around day after day, looking into space and waiting for thoughts to come to mind. Should have, would have, could have.
So I’m telling myself that everything that happens, well, happens. There will always be hiccups along the way to wherever in hell I’m trying to go. Provided I keep my head up high, my mind strong, my body healthy, and my goals in tune with my capabilities, I’ll go far. I will, not I should. There is no questioning some things – I will go far, and that’s absolute. Yes, the obstacles will continue to hit me, and I will continue to overcome them. I’ll keep memories of bygone days close to heart and I’ll keep looking forward to what will come next.
Back to shuffling through my work, my music, and my college applications. These things require attention.