Now Playing: Copeland – Love Affair
I’m getting very tired of Malaysia. I don’t think it’s the people this time around, and I’ve been questioning if I myself have changed at all since I first arrived here. I am certain that my style of speaking has changed somewhat, but I want to look past the surface. Has anything changed about my attitude towards the world around me, to the people that I interact with on a day-to-day basis? Has moving actually presented me with some profound change? Part of me wants desperately to go to America, to leave behind Malaysia and all of the things associated with it. That’s the emotional part at play. The rational side of me sits back, shaking his head at my lack of change. He wants me to look at myself from a distance – to step back for a moment and to question whether or not I will make a difference in my life upon leaving this country. It would be a pity to leave Malaysia only to find that I haven’t changed at all, or to find that I am incapable of further change.
I’m still in the midst of writing up my college applications. Not only that; I also have a plethora of schoolwork to deal with. I’m responsible for the bulk of my problems. I should have exhibited more tenacity in meeting the International Baccalaureate deadlines set by my teachers. I should have studied in preparation for that IBHL Math quiz that I sat today. I should do something instead of sitting around day after day, looking into space and waiting for thoughts to come to mind. Should have, would have, could have.
So I’m telling myself that everything that happens, well, happens. There will always be hiccups along the way to wherever in hell I’m trying to go. Provided I keep my head up high, my mind strong, my body healthy, and my goals in tune with my capabilities, I’ll go far. I will, not I should. There is no questioning some things – I will go far, and that’s absolute. Yes, the obstacles will continue to hit me, and I will continue to overcome them. I’ll keep memories of bygone days close to heart and I’ll keep looking forward to what will come next.
Back to shuffling through my work, my music, and my college applications. These things require attention.