the night before.

directly copied from an email to alice, edits for names so that you can’t guess who’s who. Blood pressure at 3AM was 101 mmHg systolic, 41 mmHg diastolic.

So here’s the lowdown, as much as I know. I went out to Ben’s house at 8PM on May 26th with the intention of spending the night at his place. We sat around for a bit and wow, he has amassed quite a few CDs. I left my iPod at his home so that we could rip some music off of it when we got back. Headed out for a Persian restaurant on Jalan Damai at around 9PM to meet up with some other guys: P, Bz, and Tr. Damai was boring and time didn’t pass very quickly. Bz ran a few quick calls off to Ty, and we departed for the Giant at Ampang Point in Ben’s car. Managed to get in before closing time and looked around through all of the liquors. I split a bottle of Smirnoff vodka with Ben, paid RM45. And then we headed off to Ty’s house to go drink and sit around until 11:30, when the party was scheduled to begin.

We were watching TV (Miss USA!) and drinking. A large teddy bear in one corner of the room ended up being one of our good friends, as you can see in the pictures. I thought I downed my half of the vodka, but I’m told that I didn’t actually end up drinking that much. Each one of us had a swig of this cheap whiskey, some Black Arrow brand that you’ll never find in the United States (I don’t remember this). I do remember watching MTV, and seeing the music video for “From Yesterday” by 30 Seconds to Mars. I like the band and all, but I was rather surprised upon seeing what the singer looked like. And the music video? Not that great. Some strange fusion of Japanese samurai sword-fighting and alt. rock.

We must have headed out to Nuovo after drinking. I’m told that Ty drove (!! he drank a quarter-bottle of whiskey!) us there. I don’t know how six guys managed to fit into one car. And I don’t remember the drive there. In fact, I don’t remember even being at Nuovo, although I’m told that I went inside for a bit. So here’s what I gather – after drinking the Smirnoff, I had some violent reaction to the alcohol and that relaxing buzz that I normally expect turned very quickly into a painful sensation that required my immediate attention. Problem is, I managed to pass out sometime between the start of the car ride and arrival at Nuovo. Or something like that. At one point, Tristan walked me into the bathroom at Nuovo to get some water and to wash up a bit. He says that he came back into the bathroom later to find me passed out on the floor. Yeah, not very good. I was manhandled around so I could remain slumped over on a bench outside of the club. Another friend tells me that I screamed an occasional ‘Fuck you!’ while my friends were trying to get me to sit up.

So some girls get pissy at my friends while they’re taking pictures, posing over my puke-stained body. Tr says that I puked some five times. Imagine my stomach must have been pretty cleared out.

I wake up at 7AM on May 27 in a hospital. It takes me a while to figure out where I am. I look around and realize I can barely see a damned thing – don’t have my glasses. And then I pat down my pockets to find that I don’t have my wallet. Or my camera. Or my phone. I do have some lip balm in my left pocket, and my watch is ticking away on my wrist. It’s been scuffed up a bit, and my jeans are stained. I hear a beep that comes up every now and then from my right side. I investigate to find out that it’s a heart rate and blood pressure monitor. There are three readings: one at 3AM, another at 4AM, and the final one at 5AM. My blood pressure at 3AM was something like 101/41. It goes up until reaching what I now realize is close-to-normal pressure at 5AM.

I ask a nurse there what’s happened after fitting my arms clumsily into the smock that I’ve got on. She says that a couple of my friends checked me into the ER at 1:30AM, and that my blood pressure was low. I ask her to explain what the numbers mean – she says that the reading at 3AM is quite low, and that I must have been “a little too relaxed after those drinks”. There’s a needle for an IV drip still jabbed into my right arm, right into a vein. I can see some blood has caked underneath the adhesive used to keep it in place, and that there’s still some blood in the actual tube. I needed an IV drip to get my blood pressure back up again. While I was passed out, they also drew blood for a blood test. I ask what else has been done – little more than observation through the night, and my kidney and liver function seem to be normal. I ask the nurse what’s happened to my shirt, and she tells me that it was fouled up with my own vomit. Still don’t know were it is. Tristan informed me later on that my shirt looked like “an ogre used it to wipe his ass” and that I probably don’t want to see it again.

I get some water at 7:30AM and call Ma to find that no one picks up. Justin picks after I call a couple more times, tells me that I woke him up. I ask him to guess where I am – “At your friend’s house? At KLCC? At Lowyat?”. Ma comes back from walking Sweetie and I tell her where I am. She’s quite surprised – shock? I tell her that I’m feeling alright, and I run off a call to my cellphone number. No one picks up, but I keep on trying. Call, call, call: Ty picks up. I ask him what happened last night, if he knows where my camera and wallet are. He says that there are a couple of people still at his house, but that he’ll drive over with my stuff once he gets them up. The nurse tells me to go rest after I drink some more water.

Time goes by very strangely from here. I check my watch periodically and an hour passes. I call my cellphone a few more times to get through to Troy, ask him what he’s up to and how much longer he’ll take. Ben shows up at the hospital around 8:45AM, and I can see that he’s got my backpack on. I put on the shirt that I had in my bag. I ask someone how much my hospital fees have amounted to. Ma warned me that they might be pretty high. After all, Glenneagles is a private hospital, and private hospitals don’t come cheap. RM317.30. Which I don’t have, because I still don’t have my wallet. And Ben doesn’t have, because he wasn’t expecting such a high figure. He assures me that he’ll go and get some money, asks me if I have had anything to eat. I don’t remember eating anything since last night’s dinner, so he buys us both some Milo and we drink up while talking a bit more.

Ben leaves, Troy shows up with my glasses and my phone. He says that Peter has my wallet and my camera. He hasn’t slept all night, and he drives up shortly thereafter. Ma calls a couple of times through the process, and I tell her that I’ll call her once I’ve checked out. Ben shows up again, we pay, I get my blood test results, and we leave for his car. I stick the smock that I got in the hospital into my backpack, along with the envelope containing my blood test results, and we drive off towards Peter’s home. We give him a call, but he doesn’t pick up. I notice in the car that I still have the IV drip needle in my arm, so I pull it out and blood flows out for a while. It’s thick and I try to clean it up a bit with the bits of gauze that are adhered to the patch holding the IV drip needle in place.

We sit down in P’s home. Big house, not quite as grand as Ben’s, but not bad. There’s artwork on the walls and a large, dead lizard to the side of the front driveway. It’s around 9:30AM, maybe 10:00AM. P’s mom tells us that P has just gotten up, and tells me to clean up the blood that’s still on my arm. P shows up downstairs soon enough with my camera and my wallet. He took some pictures last night, he says, so I look through them and laugh a bit. We talk, I get Ben to drive me home eventually.

And here I am. Ma talked to me, told me how much energy had gone into raising me to this age. I thought about it a bit and decided that I ought to write something out, but I couldn’t concentrate very well at the time. I slept and missed lunch, waking up to a terrific headache. I got some painkiller and talked to Ba when he called later on, at about 4PM. He’s in the Netherlands, you know. My friends left some messages on his voicemail and I thought he would have checked through them, so I sent him an email letting him know that I was alright and safely back home. He asks me what happened last night and I go through the story.

Graduation rehearsals tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.

Remember – don’t drink!

give me an A.

Examinations are over, and I’m all set to wrap up my high school life. Another two, three months until college. Tonight there will be a seminar regarding the graduation ceremony. Everyone that’s graduating this year is also expected to submit three A’s that sum up what they’ve managed to accomplish through these past four years in the form of awards, accolades, and achievements. I presume that these are to be read off by some fabulous announcer as we march up to the stage to receive our diplomas.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m all up for the idea that we ought to be celebrated for what we’ve done so far. I just don’t have very much in the way of anything that I’d like to share with those present to see me graduate. I don’t need background music or a narrator to spice up my graduation. I don’t have a unique achievement to share. Honor Roll? Most everyone in the senior class is on that list. Awards for academic achievement? No faculty members have seen it fit to bestow upon me any. If you want me to list out awards that I’ve received throughout my high school ‘career’, give me something to list out.

I’ve done my time. Give me my diploma, and let me go on to college. Save me the sweet talk.

to the great beyond! and thoughts of the hour.

My throat is sore and feels like sandpaper every single time I cough. I couldn’t sleep last night because I was so anxious about today’s examinations, yet I knew that they wouldn’t mean a single thing to me in the long run. Even when entering college there is little that a single point higher on these trivial examinations will help me accomplish. Studying in preparation for tomorrow may grant me a handful of points, but is it going to go anywhere towards making me happy?

So here I am, nursing this weak body of mine in hopes that it will stop slipping back. The short-lived physical regimen that I subjected myself to seems to have been lacking in efficacy. No amount of exercise would have been capable of warding away the little beasties that are making me so eager now to remove my aching throat. And the weights, the pushups – no doubt they won’t help me on that damned examination scheduled for tomorrow morning.

Can’t stop now – so much to do and see. Maybe I’ll succumb to disease some other day.

The nonsense that I’m churning out these days is so lacking in substance that it makes me want to laugh. And then I’m reminded again that my throat is killing me.

oh no, not this again.

I’m going through an angry spat. This involves hissing fits and the occasional loss of self-control.

All this and I have yet to finish with even half of my examinations. This is not a good mood to be in when there is so much left to study for.

clang clang clang. My hammer, your head.


Oh. And looking back, I’m not going to be going anywhere pending graduation. I haven’t planned anything and, frankly, I’m quite sick of some of the people that I’ve been hanging around with lately. Just some of them, mind you. I’m not giving any names in particular. I do like to stick to plans when they’ve been long-established. Forgiving enough, but I do have my limits.