I really blew it today. It’s been a good few months since I’ve last gotten angry as I have today, and I’m a little ashamed of myself for having lost control in such an explosion, especially over so very little. I was a little upset (or was it taken aback?) earlier because of a comment someone made about my spoken Chinese. Then I realized that I’ve heard it all too many times, so I just kind of laughed it aside and went about my merry way.
So I got in a bit of scuffle. My temper flared and I suppose I assaulted the other guy. Which I shouldn’t have done. And I got angry with myself for not hitting him back. So I hit a door. Which I shouldn’t have done. And now my knuckles are bruised and my wrist is swollen.
I hope the swelling will subside so I can work out tomorrow. That’s been my stress relief of choice for a while – both constructive and relaxing. If worse comes to worse I’ll just grit my teeth and go at it, swollen wrist and all.
Lesson of the day: everybody hurts less when you just talk it out.
♩ I’m bruised!
On second thought, I’ll elaborate. Solely by virtue of the fact that I haven’t put even a half-hearted effort into writing for a while.
I’ve known her for a month (or two? or three?) and each time I see her.. I’m drawn in. I’m tempted to pull down all of my walls and just to let her see me for who I am. To emerge with guns down, naked honesty. This is who I am.
/but there’s too much that i need to hide, i can’t allow her to come too close
And God, how I want to keep her close. That isn’t too much to ask, is it? And yet I hardly know her, this is all a mess and it’s all quite impossible. It’s maddening, just allowing my mind to wander.
This entry is lacking. And it’s really girly.
“There, those who have no experience of prudence and virtue but are always living with feasts and the like are, it seems, brought down and then back again to the middle and throughout life wander in this way; but, since they don’t go beyond this, they don’t look upward toward what is truly above, nor are they ever brought to it; and they aren’t filled with what really is, nor do they taste of a pleasure that is sure and pure; rather, after the fashion of cattle, always looking down and with their heads bent to earth and table, they feed, fattening themselves, and copulating; and, for the sake of getting more of these things, they kick and butt with horns and hoofs of iron, killing each other because they are insatiable; for they are not filling the part of themselves that is, or can contain anything, with things that are.”
Quoted from: The Republic of Plato, Second Edition (pg 268 / 586 a) translated by Allan Bloom