I haven’t tried my hand at writing anything of substance for a while now, so here goes a shot. Maybe it will amount to something. I anticipate that it will just sit here, unread and unappreciated, like so many of my other entries.
The start of the semester has been a slow one, filled with little but the pursuit of worldly pleasures. I can’t even begin to count the number of times that I’ve given in to the sensations of marijuana in the past two weeks. Each escape comes as something fresh and exciting, each drag another dose of the high life. Watch as the flame draws itself into the bowl, as smoke fills the pipe. Inhale and be taken over. Breathe deep, breathe as if you have something worth living for.
This period in life is one in which I’m unafraid to try something new. It’s another chance to redefine myself, and redefine myself I will. I have not lost sight of my ambitions and I have no intentions of doing so, which leads me at times to wonder just how dangerous this road I now tread upon is. There is another me, walking another path, and I wonder how this wayward traveler will fare. Oh, the places I will go, the experiences I have yet to revel in. Stoke the flames of this heart and let me live with a passionate fervor. Lead me to infatuation and to lust, through the dredges of dark misery and to the peaks of ecstasy that await me. Allow me to reign over it all without a worry about tomorrow.
I’ve thought about self-improvement time and time again in these past few months, and the topic has come at me especially hard over the last two weeks. I suppose there’s an element of wanting to impress associated with the push for self-improvement, but then again I believe that much of my desire for advancement is solely for myself. Maybe I have given in to the desire to impress another this time around. What I mean to say is that I feel utterly incompetent at times, and what better to do with this feeling than to mold myself into something better?
Posted on February 10th, 2008, but largely composed on January 31st, 2008