I went out with a friend tonight to go play some tennis. We played at a local park’s courts for an hour. At nine, we smoked. The two of us had parked near each other. We conversed a bit as we generally do. I’ve been on a bit of a feel good spree lately. I suppose it comes with the recognition that my life as an adult starts now. Never before have I been allowed the many freedoms that I have pursued here. And by pursued, I mean I have exploited them to a degree. Doing bad feels so good.
I’ve gotten established to a degree at my apartment. In the weeks past, I made a number of trips to find furniture. I eventually settled on a furniture store near the north part of town, recommended to me by another friend. I walked off with a used couch and a new coffee table and end table set. Instant living room for just over two hundred bucks. Now we’ve got a simple entertainment setup in the most open area of the apartment where guests can kick back to watch some TV or play a game. Cool.
I also picked up a set of cheap lights for the apartment. Nothing fancy – I just want to get up and running at this point. Assembling the light set was an easy task that I completed one evening. It never hurts to have good lighting. Isn’t that right? So there we go: lights for both my room and for the living room. Less than forty bucks for the two of them.
The bed was purchased from a friend of mine who was leaving Tulsa to go back home. It’s got a genuine Serta mattress (or so this friend assures me). Frame, box-spring, mattress for $150: used for only one year. I let it go in cash without a question asked. Ain’t nothing but some money. Throw in two barstools for another $20 and my friend is feeling $170 richer, I know that I’ve bagged a deal.
Enough about the apartment. Life has taken a sudden upturn swing. By the start of August, I’ll have fucked an amazing girl. I’ll be a man for her, not another kid. And shit, I can keep this coming at you all day long if that’s what you want. Just don’t treat me wrong otherwise your ass is nothing to me. I know you want it.
Doing good has finally paid off. I don’t know if I could have done it if I decided to walk the righteous path the whole way. Not to say that I’ve walked the path very cleanly for much of my life. Maybe I just missed out on the craziest parts. Got all of the angst but none of the fun. Feeling like shit on drunk nights instead of partying it up. Watching friends doing their thing, not being able to join in. You know.
And I’m grateful for it. I’m going to be dead honest about this one. I love my parents for who they raised me to be, even though I won’t come clean about it all with them. No, I’ve learned better. I’ve worked my game up and I’m not going to be held back. See this? That’s money in my pocket. Money makes the world go round. I love both of you for the values that you’ve instilled within me, for making me the man that I am today. Nothing can compare to your love. I only wish I could have been better for you.
Yeah, I’ve done wrong this time around. Nothing quite as pathetic as in the past. Think bigger, think different. I broke the mold. I became something new, something unexpected. No one knew how to deal with it. Some people recognized it, sure. They knew me when I was young. They saw me grow up, change over time. Become something greater with each phase. They knew what I was capable of becoming. I never bothered to visit them again after I left them. Not one.
This isn’t to say that what I’ve been up to has been bad. Don’t mistaken me for someone who is fine with getting nowhere. I’m here to kick ass and to take names, not to sit around and waste away. What I’ve done has profoundly changed my perception of the world around me. It has opened me up to so much more. I won’t even bother trying to explain it all. You don’t want to hear it because it isn’t what you want to hear. You know it has a different sound to it, just a subtle shift in tone that makes you wonder if there’s something more to if after all.
I’ve opened my mind. After all these years, I’ve come upon the world in full force. The unrestrained might of all that I’ve desired time and time again is flooding past anything that you’ve built to keep it in place. Take it down, it’s not going to feel good at first. Baby, you’ll learn to love it. I’m the shit.
I’m drinking wine tonight in celebration. This one was a recent purchase. Nothing too special but it works for now on my small income and all. The best is yet to come.