September 12th, 2009

It’s a Saturday, so I’m a little annoyed at having to get out of bed to attend PIPESIM training for Dr. Sarica’s Production Engineering class. After all, the bed is warm and I can easily spend the hours away quite content with [V] by my side. But duty calls, and after class we are reunited with [V] cooking noodles for me to eat so I have little to do in the kitchen but to carve the chicken that’s stewed the night before.

We went to the mall today. I accompanied [V] – she drove her car along the local roads, and we parked at Macy’s hoping to see what their one day sale had in store for us. Very little came out of Macy’s for us – the store felt quite silent to me with none of the usual hubbub about department stores.

We leisurely strolled through the mall, each buying an article of clothing for the day, and this culminated with a meal at the mall.

I wanted to go to the gym with [WW] today so I tried to arrange this with him. It was also his 21st birthday and he’d invited me to help celebrate earlier. Then Joe called me and asked if we were still doing sushi tonight – I’d gone with Joe + Meryssa, [V] as well, to Viet Huong for lunch yesterday.

I guess my poor scheduling came clear then. It turned out that the gym was closed (2PM on Saturdays) so I called Joe and the four of us went for a meal at Sushi Train, 51st and Harvard. I dropped them off, took [V] back to her home, and spent from 8PM to 10PM in her bedroom, waiting for her to get ready.

Got back to my own apartment and called [KM] along to see about [WW]’s party. Entered to see a room of girls and Chinese guys close to the door. Many familiar faces to be seen. [WW] was smoking a cigarette and appeared to be his usual self.

In the time that passed, I remember being trapped in my obligation towards keeping [V] entertained. It’s somewhat of a self-imposed restriction as well. She found it difficult to amuse herself in the company of so many strangers, and I was growing steadily wary of not being able to celebrate and enjoy myself at will.

The night ended with [WW] passing out before midnight. [J] suggested I give her a call sometime. [V] was upset with me and I grew short tempered as well. She talked about breaking up. She walked out of my apartment after gathering her precious few things and disappeared into the night. I did send her home, but only after my temper was set aflame again by my car’s riding the curb upon making a turn off campus to get onto Harvard.

It’s clear to me that we need time apart from one another. What baffles me though is my inability to integrate her into groups. I suspect this stems from my own inability to become a part of the group.