June 23rd, 2010

Arrived safely in Tulsa. [V] drove two hours of the way from Dallas to Tulsa, while I kept watch for any trouble and warned her of the changing speed limit. We took off after spending a couple of hours at the Allen outlet mall. I bought her a Coach bag yesterday, one that she picked out after browsing for some time. White fabric, gold design.

Ba called me this morning and shared with me some advice. He had read my email, said that Ma had just about had a heart attack with the news. I’ve caused her so much pain, it’s unjust. He was much calmer this time around. I suppose I should heed his warning, and that I ought to set about putting things in their right place. He made it clear that these repeated betrayals of trust were a real damage to my track record, and that it may be difficult to be employed at this rate. I think he’s right. He told me also that this was not the time to be rewarding myself or anyone else. I listened.

My wound is healing well, and I think I’ll remove the splint tomorrow. It looks like the one stitch that is there will keep for a while, the first one fell out yesterday after I took off the gauze that they had wrapped around my hand at the emergency room. I will need to find a physician who will remove the last stitch in a few days.

My heart feels broken, though it is healing. I can forgive [V] for giving in to the test, if only because I feel I still love her. I owe her my love.. and I know that this decision to cheat on her was the worst one I’ve made to date, that I gained nothing and lost everything in the process. Must find myself again.

I ought to go back to church, should again look for work. I will do my best to salvage what I can and to learn from this incident.