July 5th, 2010

I start work at H&P in the morning. Am having trouble falling asleep – could have been the tea that I took at [Ra-O]’s earlier, perhaps it was caffeinated enough to keep my tired mind active. As it were, plenty on my mind already.

Did something unusual yesterday afternoon with [V]. After church I worked up a sweat trying to start the SAE Baja car, only to end in disappointment. Went to [V]’s office to find her there, working on something. A poem on her screen – I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. Invited her to come with me, put down all of this boring work and let’s go back to my place. She did.

Ended up having sex. Didn’t think much of it, just to love her with passion. Gave her oral to point of orgasm. Begged for penis to penetrate her deeply. I stopped only after both of us were sweating, tired. Took a moment’s rest, still sweating and her body an ember. Had more sex, pulled out, came on her face and body.

She went silent. Didn’t cry. Just wiped herself clean and left. Tried to console her before she left. She didn’t say much, probably feeling degraded. Called later to no response.

Later I went to visit, see if she was back at home. Thought that would be helpful. Ken was sitting outside, poring over two open books. I said hello, he looked fine. He told me that [V] was in the hospital – Karen took her there. Police had come by at [V]’s call. What?!

Talked with Ken for some time, asking questions and feeding on what words he had to say. He opened to me about some of his past wrongs. Premarital sex, he said, was most troubling. Not drinking and thrill-seeking. He looked moist in the eyes when telling me about son fighting in Afghanistan. Shed a tear saying that if there was one thing he would change above all, wishes he were virgin at marriage to Karen.