Men Who Epilate

Men who epilate. File this under random musings. Inspiration to write this post follows hot on the heels of reading Paula Russel’s AskMen article entitled Keep the Rug: An Appreciation of Male Body Hair

For the uninitiated, epilation is defined as “the removal of hair by the roots”. People have been engaging in epilation since before shaving was in. There are countless ways to go about it — tweezing, waxing, threading come to mind.

A Short Story

My opinion on body hair .. Well, we can start with a short conversation that occurred a couple of weeks back. One of my colleagues declared that grass was a very silly thing to keep around. I agreed: it is absurd that we spend so many man hours toiling over this patch of earth that keeps on growing. Unruly yards are a general eyesore, the type of thing that the HOA will send you a nasty letter about. A well-kept yard requires constant upkeep, especially during the growing season, and is a general PITA. My colleague’s solution was to buy what he referred to as a patio home where the backyard had been filled with concrete. Now he proudly declares that, for the first time in his life as a homeowner, he no longer owns a gasoline powered lawnmower.

I congratulated his wisdom and admit it’s stuck with me a bit.

Back to the Topic

Pubic hair is grass on the lawn. It can be kept all nice and hedged neatly, but it’s quite a bit of trouble for what it’s worth. There is a ‘tribe’ of men who shave everything — to share, I’ve linked to a thread on their experiences with epilators:

Now it’s perfectly acceptable to do some trimming around with a pair of scissors (be careful damn it!), but the trouble with cutting hair is that it grows back thicker than it used to be. Any mechanical separation of the hair from a point other than the very root will result in thicker growth. You probably know what I’m talking about — think back to the first time that you shaved with a new razor. It feels great for about half a day, and then the little hairs start coming back, and it’s all over. Soon, you’d rather lie on your back than to have to do any walking around. The five o’clock shadow is a treacherous mistress. Thus, shaving is generally to be discouraged, unless absolutely necessary (porn shoot that afternoon).

Another admission: I’ve tried that, too.

Oh yes, a word about epilators. They are wicked looking machines. My first experience with one was made possible courtesy of one girl that I dated in college who decided that she wanted one. It was loud and somewhat frightening to look at in action. I wanted to try it, but recoiled at the thought that I might end up losing more than just a few hairs. However, I am sure that these things work wonders for people who are passionate about epilation. Self flagellation. If you grit your teeth and ball up your right fist, it doesn’t hurt half bad!

By now you’re probably thinking .. Hey, this makes a lot of sense.

Getting Started

I would suggest pulling out a pubic hair (one isn’t going to be missed) after taking a bath or a shower. It will smart a little, but if you are remotely like me, you will find it oddly gratifying.

It will take you the better part of a day to manually tweeze every single last hair. For maximum efficiency, my suggested workflow for the uninitiated is as follows:

  1. Bust out the shears and trim everything down taking care not to cut off any fleshy parts (like fingers, you won’t grow them back)
  2. Prepare your shave kit (or use a friend’s shaving supplies if you’re a complete scumbag)
  3. Use plenty of shaving foam or whatever you like to use and work slowly
  4. Aftershave
  5. Leave things alone for a day or two. This presents a valuable opportunity to assess your preparedness for what follows. If you loathe the look, allow the fabulous bush to grow back. Else .. Pick your poison. The rest is history.

Options for Epilation

  • Epilators
  • Wax
  • Tweezers
  • Cons of Epilation

    • Like shaving, epilation introduces the risk of ingrown hairs
    • Epilation can become a deliciously enjoyable habit
    • Women may think that men who bare it all think themselves to be porn stars
    • A bad experience can be scarring

    Whatever. So to conclude, men and women have the right to remove everything from the pubic area. It makes sense to do so because the lawn is a PITA to maintain, and there’s nothing like a smooth landing.

    Thanks for reading, and keep it classy.

Yes indeed

Yes indeed [Feb. 14th, 2005|09:57 pm]
[ .//C u r r e n t_M o o d | giddygiddy ]
[ .//C u r r e n t_M u s i c | None ]

Dad ordered a Sharp Aquos 37″ LCD TV today and it’ll get here sometime before the weekend. It’s about time that we got a TV again. The Xbox will be completed with repairs on Tuesday, and we’ll probably pick it up sometime after that.

Looking forward to Spring Break. 🙂